Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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