He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
