loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
