My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
