I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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