batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
