dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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