This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
