if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i will never coherently bang her
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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