Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
