Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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