I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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