How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
