White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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