i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
