I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
