no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
