Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
