Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
