I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
