Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
