i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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