The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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