Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize