It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
