On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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