Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
