I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Randomize
