Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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