She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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