I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
