i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
