If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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