i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
