Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm like, not good at living.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
