dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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