Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
