She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
