JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
