5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am mentally ready for anal.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
