Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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