My sheets look like a crime scene.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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