I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
