I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
