I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
