Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
