You're my little dorito
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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