just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
