I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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