i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
