even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
