For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
