She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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