you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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