ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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