She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
