I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
