wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
