Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
