is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
