fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just want nice things and good sex
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
