This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
