i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Randomize
